This post is the opposite of the advice as to how to pack more into your day, efficiently.
I have read those books, absorbed that perspective, tried to do it all and then some. My particular overwhelm comes from letting my brain “take charge,” and then having her listen to other people’s brains who are also clearly “in charge,” and then going off on a wild and wonderful crusade of ideas and visions and strategic quests for justice and reduction of suffering for the world. To infinity and beyond!! My poor body! And my heart just disappeared. Was not seen for years.
The barely implicit value in those books and posters and TED talks and whatnot is: you are what you do. Here’s how to do what you love. Here’s what will get you where you want to be, what will work to achieve your dreams and what will absolutely prove to everyone how __________ (insert whatever adjective you find to be particularly admirable) you are. Your worth can be measured. You can find out exactly its amount based on these _________ benchmarks. Take this quiz. Absorb this ideal. Meet this standard of beauty, discipline, adherence to whatever ideal…this way. Follow this group, process, path, procedure, plan…and we guarantee success, unless of course…you do it wrong. Or are not dedicated enough.
As an occupational therapist (tagline: skills for the job of living), doing is somewhat in my field of expertise. Our profession has been evolving (kinda like I have been evolving) in the last 30 years, starting to focus on what’s underneath the doing (being, becoming, belonging in one model) and describing the process of engaging in doing as equal to or maybe more important than performance.
It’s so tricky! Performance does matter, and to people with barriers to “typical” anything, performance is a great objective measure of accessibility and rights working out in the world.
The problem is, performance is not always of highest value. And while you read that fast and thought it was true (of course!), I bet you struggle with remembering that when you’re in the middle of your public life.
I bet, like me, you struggle to NOT equate your own worth with your performance in certain, self-chosen tasks or skills.
I bet that a poor performance in something you care about causes you some internal stress. And a tussle with priorities. Because the dopamine that comes from looking good to others is kind of a thing. Social species, evolutionary advantage, etc. etc.
So here’s my occupational therapy contribution to your tussle, whether you felt it as a cognitive inner debate, a somatic stress response, or inexplicably hurt feelings.
Don’t reduce your own standards for performance.
Simply get rid of the constraints applied by anyone who is NOT yourself (deadlines, criteria for others’ approval, validity of critiques, hostage-taking coercion, gaslighting, misplaced anxiety/urgency, the need to fit in, and really all that bullshit).
Choose your own values. Stand behind them. Make the hard choices.
Give yourself more time.
(But…!)
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to One Hard Thing Substack to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.